Monday, 12 March 2018

All things beautiful

I need to care for myself
the way I care for you
But somehow
I find it hard
to hug my body
the same way
as I hug yours
My wiggly stomach
comes in the way
and my jiggly arms
aren’t long enough
to go all the way round
like they can around you.

I need to talk to myself
the same way I talk to you
But somehow
I find my words incoherent
when I say them out loud
to myself
for myself
But rather soothing
and impressive
and supportive
when I say them to you.

I need to be here for myself
the way I am here for you
But somehow
I zone out
exactly
and only
when I’m with myself
alone
There’s a difference
between being
alone
and
lonely.


I need to love myself
the way I love you
and somehow
it’s slowly happening.

I look at myself in the mirror;
making eye contact
with yourself
is hard
when you
hate yourself.

Last night
I got a glimpse of
what my iris looks
in a mirror
in a well lit room.

They seemed to be brown,
my eyes
But I looked away
when light filled them
because
as my pupils contracted
tiny golden specs
seemed to celebrate
in my eyes.

The joy of looking
at something beautiful
when that something
is you
is rare
But
it is a step
forward.

I wrote today
after the longest time
for myself
the way I’ve always written
for you.

- Make me your muse once in a while


Ragini Zutshi Anand