Monday, 12 March 2018

Eye contact is imperative

“Sometimes,
I just need a hug
The kind of hug the
sky gives the sea.

With no space
between the two
Mixing into each other
Like
Air in water”

Laughing
You look into my eyes
The ones
I can’t meet
in my mirror
and say something
to me
But
I don’t hear
I’m too lost
in the sea
in your eyes
Floating away
in my thoughts
like
the wind
in the cotton candy
sky
above us.

- Why can’t I make eye contact with myself

Ragini Zutshi Anand

All things beautiful

I need to care for myself
the way I care for you
But somehow
I find it hard
to hug my body
the same way
as I hug yours
My wiggly stomach
comes in the way
and my jiggly arms
aren’t long enough
to go all the way round
like they can around you.

I need to talk to myself
the same way I talk to you
But somehow
I find my words incoherent
when I say them out loud
to myself
for myself
But rather soothing
and impressive
and supportive
when I say them to you.

I need to be here for myself
the way I am here for you
But somehow
I zone out
exactly
and only
when I’m with myself
alone
There’s a difference
between being
alone
and
lonely.


I need to love myself
the way I love you
and somehow
it’s slowly happening.

I look at myself in the mirror;
making eye contact
with yourself
is hard
when you
hate yourself.

Last night
I got a glimpse of
what my iris looks
in a mirror
in a well lit room.

They seemed to be brown,
my eyes
But I looked away
when light filled them
because
as my pupils contracted
tiny golden specs
seemed to celebrate
in my eyes.

The joy of looking
at something beautiful
when that something
is you
is rare
But
it is a step
forward.

I wrote today
after the longest time
for myself
the way I’ve always written
for you.

- Make me your muse once in a while


Ragini Zutshi Anand

Saturday, 26 August 2017

Triggering Memories

Now they smell like you too, the memories. It's like remembering the crack in your voice when you were about to tear up just wasn't enough, and the look in your eyes was starting to fade in mine. 
I look up and force myself to imagine what you look like,  but I seem to have misplaced the scar that was above your right eye to near your chin and so I'm glad at least I still have your smell to remind me of you, and till the cupboard wears out the smell of it's own and all the clothes don't get soaked in detergent I believe the smell will remain, even as the touch of your skin on mine will be forgotten and the wrinkles around your eyes when you laugh will fade away in my mind, they'll get deeper in depth with age and someone else will enjoy the privilege of wiping away the fun filled tears from around your eyes. 
You'll still be around in my memory as the voice that cracked in the middle of the night at 2 am when we sat to talk about your problems on my bed and the smell of your clothes you've left in my cupboard. 
It's as though you knew I'd need them to be able to remember you.

- Ragini Zutshi Anand